You know, being single is not as bad as you may think or feel. You can come and go as you please, spend your own money on this and that, do what you want when you want, you are pretty much only responsible for yourself unless you have a pet. Obviously it has its ups and downs, especially if you start to feel lonely, but then you can go out and hang out with your other lonely friends.
Once you get married, it is no longer “me, I, myself, mine”… if it is, you may want to re-evaluate some things. When you get married, you start giving yourself. I can’t say that I really struggle with this too much. I find great joy in “serving” and “living for” my husband on a daily basis. Sure, we are equal in God’s eyes but as a wife, I play a totally different role than my husband and it is challenging at times, but such a joy for me to follow through with.
I LOVE cleaning most of the time. I want Ryan to come home from work to a nice clean house so he can feel relaxed and welcomed. I know he doesn’t like taking the time to make his lunch so I do it for him. I enjoy finding new dinner recipes and trying them out on him and I like to do whatever I can to make his life easier and happier. I find joy in making him happy. Ryan works very hard to provide for our family, he works hard so that I can stay home and take care of our home and our child, cooking and cleaning are is the least I can do to thank him for being such a wonderful provider and leader of our family.
It is a little exhausting at times, always giving yourself for the needs of someone else, I can’t say that there have not been times where I have selfishly lashed out because he doesn’t do this or that… I am no longer free to do my own things and sometimes, I get a little stir crazy. When you are in a marriage relationship, your focus is (or should be) first, God (because he created all things, as well as marriage) then it should be focussing on serving one another in love. If I am always in “want mode” and he in “want mode” we are never going to get along in our relationship.
It is tempting to start to envy the single life again where all I really cared about was myself and my needs and coming home and not having to cook dinner if I didn’t feel like it. I mean, yes, Ryan can cook for himself, and he does occasionally, but I am home all day while he is out working his tail off, so I don’t really see it fair that I sit on my rump and make him cook his own dinner just because “I don’t feel like it”.
Then comes baby. Talk about giving of yourself. Ryan, if I weren’t around could function and survive on his own. Lucy, she would have been gone a long time ago. She needs me for EVERYTHING!! I am finding that this particular season (6 1/2 months), this has been the most challenging. I am learning a lot of lessons and also feeling soooo completely like I am not my own anymore (never have been but really realizing this on a worldly level). Does that make sense? If Ryan is hungry, I make him a meal and go on my way. If Lucy is hungry, I’m nursing, so I am actually what is for dinner. haha… gross. If she is crying, I have to help her, if she needs to get somewhere I have to take her, if she wants this toy and not that toy, I have to switch them, she wants to sleep, I have to put her in bed. Oh my am I exhausted.. and I only have one.
So, as I lost my independence when I got married, I lost myself when I had a baby. She runs my life. I shower when she lets me, I eat when she lets me, I go out when she is ready… I lost my cute little pre-baby body for a nice plump jiggly one, I chopped off my hair so she can’t eat it or throw up in it. I can’t eat too much broccoli because it gives her gas, I sleep through the night when she feels like sleeping through the night, and, I get quality time with my husband when she sleeps, if she feels like it, or if we get a baby sitter, and that only counts if she decides not to scream her head off for them.
ugh…
As you can see, I am going through a little funk right now.
It would be awesome to wake up and do nothing but what I want to do. But… that ain’t happnin’.
Lol. So. I love my husband. I love my daughter. I thank the Lord for blessing me with both of them. I need a message, a Cleaning Lady and just one big smile from little Lu to make me feel all better.
janetsplanetblog.com 
What you say is true about being single. But at the risk of sounding whiny, after twenty-three years of living the single adult life, it gets pretty old. Especially when most of your other loney single friends have gotten married and started their own families and no longer have time to hang out with their “loser” single friend.
Oh, I forgot. And the younger single adults think your old and want nothing to do with you as well. After all, it might be contagious. Sorry, I guess I’m in a funk as well.
Lol. You’re right. And, If it means anything, I don’t think you are “old”. I understand, two totally different seasons and different perspectives. But, what Paul writes in Corinthians about being single, is completely true… but being married is not bad either. I am not discontent, just overwhelmed.
This may sound strange, but have you tried E-Harmony? It worked for two couples in my CG. =)
There’s old and then there is old. Admittedly, when I was twenty, I thought forty was old. Now I’m forty, and I think, I’m far from being old. But you have to be forty to gain that perspective. As for E Harmony, I did try it once. You are suppose to get two free matches when you sign up. They couldn’t find anyone who matched up anywhere within driving distance. And I’m not joking about that. Besides, I know I don’t make a very good first impression, so I’m very bad with blind or semi-blind dates. Too much presure all around.
Thank you for saying that I’m not old. Still, (and please don’t take this wrong) you may have had a different opinion of that before you were married and saw me as a “threat.” I’ve been informed that I make some of the younger single sisters feel “uncomfortable” and “creep” them out. And in all honesty, that hurts pretty bad.
Anyway, I am truly happy for you and Ryan. You found a good man there and he certainly is a lucky man to have you by his side. 🙂
I will put in a good word for you. hehe
Thanks, I can use all the help I can get. 🙂