More like the Mel Gibson from Braveheart version of William Wallace.
The real William Wallace is cool, but the Mel Gibson William Wallace is really cool.
Ryan loved that movie.
He always teased me by saying “if we have another son, we are going to name him William Wallace.”
Obviously, I was not on board with this idea but it was a funny conversation every now and then.
Throughout my pregnancy, we had a tough time agreeing on a boys name. We did have a girls name picked out but we were struggling with the boy names (we weren’t and didn’t find out the sex until birth).
While waiting to be transferred into L&D, brokenhearted and in disbelief, I turned and looked at Ryan.
“Look, if we have a boy, we can name him William Wallace.”
It was a very eerie moment. He smiled. An unspoken understanding passed between us. I knew it was ridiculous, but it was going to be meaningful. Without hesitation, he agreed.
After delivery the nurse asked us what we are going to name the baby. Ryan looked at me and then I looked at her, “William Wallace”.
It took everything in me to not laugh.
The nurse responds, in a dead serious voice, “That is a nice strong name!”.
I started laughing. Ryan glared at me with a smirk on his face. I couldn’t stop. She looked concerned.
The ROOTS program at SJMC gifted us bracelets before we left the hospital with Williams name beaded on it.
It was funny and it was sad.
How do you name a dead child? The names you have picked out are for that child to grow old with. How do you give them a name just to turn around and burry them?
Every time we had to tell someone his name, I would start cracking up. One, because of the hormones and two, because we named our son William Wallace. The Scottish Knight. Mel Gibson. Braveheart. The name I told Ryan that I would 100% never agree to. A name with no meaning and a name with significant meaning.
Fast forward six years and we mostly just call him Will. Will is a nice normal name. We can say Will without laughing or thinking that is sounds weird. We can say Will without having to explain why we named our son William Wallace.
We still laugh when people ask us about it or when we think back to those really hard days. We don’t mind telling the story but not everyone gets our sense of humor about it.
Naming our son William Wallace has given us a fun and funny memory to go along with a heartbreaking and dark time in our lives. Some may think that is weird, but we think it is perfect.
“All men die, but not all men truly live.” William Wallace
[ If you’re new here, you can read more about the loss of our son here. ]
On another note: Will died from Umbilical Hyper-coiling which ultimately caused his heart to stop. In a sense, BraveHEART is a perfectly poetic nickname for him.
Abram has a late bus; he doesn’t usually step off of the bus until about 4:45 PM. If the bus is running late, he could get off at 4:50 PM but he has never really been any later than that. When the clock struck 5:00 with no sign of Abram, I started to get worried.
Because Abram is in fifth grade now, we don’t wait for him at the bus stop anymore- he gets off the bus and walks home on his own every day. The bus stop is our driveway. 😜
Usually if the bus is running late I get a call from school or transportation, but I have not received any calls. I keep looking out the window and still, no sign of Abram or the bus. By 5:05 PM I am worried.
I decide to call my neighbor down the street. Unfortunately, her daughter did not take the bus home and she wasn’t aware of any bus delays.
I called the school but was not surprised when no one answered- it was late and most likely, all of the staff has left for the day.
Starting to feel a little panic, I called the parent of one of Abrams friends whom I know rides the same bus.
“Hi N. Has L gotten off of the bus? Abram isn’t home yet and I am a little worried.”
“Yes, L got off the bus on time today.”
N asked her son if she saw Abram get on the bus after school and he said yes but… he thinks Abram might have fallen asleep.
😳
I thank her for her time, hang up and call the school again. Unsurprisingly, no answer. So… I quickly find the school counselors phone number that is stored in my phone (AD & school refusal) and give her a call.
“Hi Janet! What’s up?!”
“Hi Ms. S. I am so sorry to bother you right now but… Abram hasn’t gotten off of the bus yet and I am not really sure what to do. I tried to call the school but there was no answer.”
She asked me a few questions and then hung up to call the Principle. She promised to call me right back but seven minutes feels like a really long time when your son is missing…
The Assistant Principle called Transportation to alert them of the situation and they will call me as soon as they hear something.
T i c k. T i c k. T i c k.
“Hello, Mrs. Price? Well, it turns out that Abram fell asleep on the bus and the bus driver found him when she was doing her final rounds. She is on her way back with Abram and will drop him off at home.”
To clarify, she got all the way to the bus lot before she found him sleeping on her bus.
I have to leave to take Lucy to softball, we are already 15 minutes late but since we now know that Abram safe and is on his way home, I can leave Ryan to wait for him.
A few minutes later, I get a text from Ryan: “Home.”
💙
The Story According to Abram
Me: “So Abram, What happened? Why did you fall asleep, were you car sick?”
Abram: “No, I was just tired.”
Me: “What happened when you woke up?”
Abram: “Well, I heard a click when the bus turned off and I woke up. I was really nervous. Mrs. S started walking down the aisle towards the back of the bus and when she got close to me and I said: Um. Mrs. S, I am still here.”
Me: “What did she say?!”
Abram: “I don’t remember but she was NOT happy!”
If you knew Mrs. S, you would hear this story and laugh to yourself knowing exactly how she responded.
Should she have realized that he got on the bus but didn’t get off? Probably. It is possible that he got on the bus with a group of friends and didn’t notice him? Absolutely.
One thing is for sure- she probably won’t drive by our house again without making sure he is awake!
=)
On another note: I am so grateful that I had a staff members personal phone number. What would I have done if I didn’t? I guess I would have had to call the police? 🤷♀️
If there is something different or unique about you, you might be able to relate to feeling out of place or less attractive than your peers. This is how I have felt most of my life compared to my blonde and brown haired counterparts. I am fair skinned and freckled with naturally curly red hair- a unique combination that isn’t everyones taste.
I am sure that you have heard the idiom Blondes Have More Fun. This comes from the idea that people are more attracted to women with blonde hair and give them more attention.
The story I am about to tell may not have anything to do with the fact that I have red hair. It could totally be more about my personality (which I personally think is friendly and outgoing but can also be blunt and sarcastic at times) or poor fashion sense. I don’t know, but one of my friends certainly thinks that hair color might have something to do with it. <insert confused emoji>
You be the judge.
I have been going to the same gym for almost two years now. There are some people there that I have become friendly with, but I wouldn’t say I have made any real connections. Maybe I have made connections, but no one that I have exchanged numbers with or hung out with outside of the gym. I would say- maybe it took a good eight to twelve months of me going to this gym (which by the way, is a small group training gym) before I felt like a part of the group.
One day, I invite a friend to take a class with me. It was a good class. Normal- like every other day.
We go in, partner up, work-out, stretch, then leave.
After class, my friend and I are standing in the parking lot chatting for a few minutes. My back is to the door of the gym and my friend is facing the gym. While we are talking, I see her smile and wave at someone behind me. I didn’t look, I keep talking. A few minutes later, she smiles and waves at someone else that is walking to their car. I glance over and join in on the wave. We keep chatting for a few more minutes when another woman in our class drives by and with a big smile, waves at my friend while driving by.
My friend says “everyone is so friendly here!”
What?!
No. Everyone is NOT this friendly. I have been going to this gym for over a year and never have this many people waved goodbye to me. Never, has anyone tried to talk to me or go out of their way to say goodbye to me on their way out of the gym.
Of course I did not say that to her, but I thought it.
Once we said our goodbyes I jumped in my car and called my friend “J”. This is a reoccurring theme in my life and she knows about it. She also knows me very well so I knew she could speak into the situation.
“J, I don’t understand. What is wrong with me?! I have worked out here for over a year and she came to one class!”
She laughs. “Janet, it’s not you- she has blonde hair.”
So, what do you think… As a non-blonde, have you experienced this before? As a blonde, can you provide insight into this theory?
__________
Disclaimer: There is more to the story but I thought I would end it there for conversations sake. But because I don’t want my friend “J” to be misrepresented, I want you to know that she continued to call out “superficial societal beauty standards”, and stuff like that. =P
__________
It has been a few years since I have felt like writing- especially something light hearted.
Thank you for all of your support, and thank you for reading!
I was looking for something in the back of my vanity a few weeks ago and as I reached back, I started pulling out all of the empty boxes of Pregnancy Tests I keep hidden back there. I knew they were there, but I didn’t realize how many I had let pile up.
I started clearing them out not thinking anything of it until I turned around and saw the pile; a little pang hit my heart.
I know that many of you will look at that pile of boxes and know exactly what feeling I am talking about. It’s not just the the reminder of all the babies that weren’t, it’s also a reminder of all the sadness, anxiety and stress that comes every month (or all of the time if you are actively trying to conceive without success). A reminder that your body is failing you and that there is something you so desperately want but just can’t have.
For me, I have come to accept this part of me. I am 80% content. Ha. Maybe 90%. Since my children are older now and can cook for themselves, stay home alone, sleep in… we’ve got it easy. Starting over again would be quite an adjustment.
However, I have always wanted a lot of children so on occasion, if I am “late”, immediately the stress and anxiety comes flooding back. Really a mix of emotions; “Oh no!” and “oh please!” It’s so frustrating when you don’t understand your body. It’s sad when yet again- it’s negative. BUT- in a few days it could be positive… test. test. test.
Though I love my children and am very grateful to have been able to naturally conceive and birth two beautiful children, there will always be a little grief in my heart for the family that I thought I would have.
I feel bad saying that because I know there are many that can’t even conceive one child and so it seems unfair because “at least you have children”. You’re right, I will never 100% fully understand but on a very small scale- I can relate and have so much compassion for what you’re going through. I know it. I feel it. To those of you walking that journey, you are seen and you are loved.
To dove tail off of that, I know that my children are miracles. 100%. There is not a doubt in my mind that my children, and all children, are frikin’ miraculous gifts. Your child- the hard one. The unplanned one. GIFTS.
It REALLLLLLY pisses me off when I come across parents who have multiple children and keep having children- yet they don’t care for them of treat them well!! WTH. It doesn’t feel fair.
I’ve digressed.
<Deep Breath>
For curiosities sake: There is not an explanation for our infertility. We have both seen professionals and there is nothing obvious as to why we weren’t/ haven’t been able to conceive. We agreed that we would not seek medical intervention. We are not actively trying, but we also don’t have to … given our circumstance so there is always a possibility for another miracle.
Why am I writing this? It’s healing to share the unseen parts of my life. The thoughts and feelings that swirl around in my head feel much better once I get them out onto “paper”. Also, I know I am not alone. Sometimes it feels very lonely. I want to let the women who are struggling with infertility (or struggling in general) who feel like they are alone- you are not alone. I know, life can be hard.
Here are a few Pregnancy Test tips that are appropriate for everyone…
The Dollar Store tests work perfectly fine and they are only $1!! This tip will save you hundreds.
Better yet, Walmart sells a similar test and it is only $.89!
DO NOT waste your money on the blue dye tests. The blue dye tests are more likely to develop evaporation lines which can be very confusing.
Stop telling people who are trying to get pregnant: “when you stop stressing out about it, it will happen.” This is not helpful and it could not be true. Instead, tell them you are sorry and buy them some ice cream!
Have a great rest of your week!
❤
ADD:
Because I am a Christian and I hope to leave at least one encouraging message in my posts, I want to remind you about El Roi: The God who sees. THE GOD WHO SEES! He sees you! He knows what you are going through and sees you. You are not alone.
When Hagar ran away from Abram and Sarai she was crying under a bush because of the terrible way she had been treated.
If you don’t know, Sarai gave her servant Hagar to Abram in order to conceive a baby because Sarai was barren. Well, Hagar did conceive a baby and Sarai got jealous so she started mistreating Hagar so Hagar ran away. Ugh! (Paraphrased from Gen. 16)
While Hagar was crying under the bush God appeared to her (the Bible actually says that He “found” her, which I like better because that means He was looking for her, He didn’t just show up but He sought her out!) and spoke to her. Hagar was comforted by this and replies: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who looks after me.” Genesis 16:13
Hagar was so encouraged by what God said to her that she returned to Abram and Sarai and raised her son. Did her situation change? Sadly no. But God built her faith and gave her what she needed to endure her hardships.
If you feel alone or trapped or sad (or mistreated), remember that you also have a God who sees you and who is looking after you. Try talking to Him. Tell him your fears and your worries. I know He can and will comfort you like He comforted Hagar that day under the bush. Like He comforts me.
Dondee at Union Memorial Hospital, six days before her death. Just as i’ll always remember her- reading any chance she gets.
The bravest thing my mother ever did was agree to let herself die.
I have thought about this a lot and could not think of a better way to word it.
In early March of 2019 my mom was diagnosed with Metastatic Brain Cancer with a life expectancy of six months (at best). My Mother chose not to know what her life expectancy was but gave us permission to find out.
I needed to know.
Though she was rapidly declining internally, the medication she was on made her seem “fine” and at times I couldn’t imagine that she only had six months to live.
When I say “fine” I mean, she was sick, but not about to die sick.
Less than a month later, it was obvious that six months was optimistic as we were in the Hospital again with nothing to do but anticipate more Hospital visits. With this reality she decided to opt for comfort care.
Comfort care sounds nice, but for someone with kidney failure who has been on dialysis for four years, it’s not.
When Mom agreed to comfort care, she was agreeing to death.
When choosing comfort care, or Palliative Care, you are choosing to forgo any life saving treatments and procedures. You are choosing pain management and quality of life for the remaining life you have left. This means, no more dialysis for Mom. Dialysis is what has kept her alive for the past four years.
I was in support of her choosing comfort care for herself but I was not ready to let her go yet.
I cried. “Please Mom, just one more treatment. Please!” If she agreed to one more treatment before she signed the paperwork, we could get 10-12 more days with her. But, Mom was done. She was so done. She had hated every second of dialysis and she was happy that she could finally refuse.
Refusing dialysis on this day meant that at most, we had five-seven days left with her.
Can you imagine? Making a decision for yourself that means choosing death? Knowing the exact day you could die and saying yes?
And thats just what she did. She made the decision to let herself die. That is the bravest thing she ever did.
She spent six days at Gilchrist Hospice Care in a comfy bed surrounded by her loved ones when she was finally called Home to be with her Father in Heaven.
No more pain, no more dialysis. No more Hospitals or rehabs or doctor bills. Just the bravest woman I know hanging out with Jesus in her new perfect body on a perfect beach drinking White Russians that won’t hurt her stomach.
=)
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Dondee Lynn Boylan: February 24, 1962- April 8, 2019
Two years ago this month we bought a project. Many of you know that I DID NOT want a project. BUT… we found a home with great potential in a great neighborhood in our price range. So, we bought the project.
Sure, there are positive things about buying a project. I can only think of one; picking out materials that you like and would want in your home. The list of negatives however… lets just say there are a lot of them.
Some people THRIVE off of this type of thing. NOT. ME. It is stressful. Too many decisions. Things cost more than you think they should. You spend most of your money doing the boring stuff which leaves little money for the fun stuff.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. I love our home. I know that it was meant for us and I am excited and greatly looking forward to the day when we can say “it’s finished!” I may be really old at that time…. but I am optimistic.
On a positive note, there is one room that is completely finished.
<choir of angels singing>
The kitchen.
My dear friend who happens to be a photographer captured these photos for us and I thought it would be fun to show you all a little progression, along with the “After” photos.
Who is excited?! You know I am.
Quite the transformation, am I right?
I am looking forward to sharing more Before & Afters of our “Project” with you, hopefully there will be more soon! <insert praying hands>
Contractor: Bearded Builders, Baltimore Cabinet Brand: Fieldstone Cabinetry Cabinet Color: Marshmallow Cream & Black Door Style: Shaker Hardware: Top Knobs:Kinney Pull, matte black Countertop: Cambria: Torquay Backsplash: White Porcelain Tile from Hunt Valley Tile Appliances: Samsung Island Seating: Home Goods Paint Color: Sherwin Williams: Silver Strand Floor Stain: Special Walnut Vent Hood: Custom Order- Etsy Photographer: Matthew Burgess Media
[*Trigger Warning: The content of this story contains sensitive material relating to mental illness.*]
One year ago today, I walked into my Grandmothers house to find my Dad unconscious in his bed. I didn’t realize at first, though the thought was in the back of my mind. Then I found the note. A goodbye note. A note thanking everyone for their help. A note describing the pain and loss that he could no longer bare. My Dad had attempted suicide.
I shook him, he did not respond. I started yelling, he gurgled. I watched in horror as he began to twitch and I watched as his eyes rolled and darted around the room.
I flew down the stairs in a fluster and demanded my Grandmother to sit on the couch. She can not hear and I needed her to understand though I did not have time to communicate… “SIT DOWN!” I called 911 as fast as I could and I ran out the door to find her house number. I knew it, but I could not think of it.
Shaking. Heart pounding.
“Um. I’m pretty sure my Dad just tried to kill himself. He was unresponsive and I found a note.”
“Are you with him now?”
“I was, but now I’m downstairs.”
I did not want to be in that room. I didn’t want to watch what could be happening or what could happen next. I just wanted someone else to come so that I didn’t have to be witness to the reality I am facing.
“I need you to go upstairs and check on him for me.”
“O…Okay.”
I crept up the stairs and started yelling- “Dad! Dad! Are you awake? Can you hear me?”
At first, nothing. And then I heard a breath and then a moan.
“Okay, I don’t think he is dead. I just heard some noises.”
The 911 operator began giving me instructions on how to position his body to prepare for the first responders arrival and to ensure he was able to breath and not hurt himself further. I didn’t want to touch him. I couldn’t believe this. I can’t believe this is happening.
Quickly, the paramedics came and took over. My Grandmother, still not completely clear of what is happening, is on the couch watching in disbelief as first responders flooded her home and rushed upstairs to attend her son.
He wasn’t dead. Fortunately for us, and unfortunately for him, he had unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide.
I sat in the Hospital with him all day. Why? Because I am not leaving here until he gets the help he needs. I am pissed and I mean business. Mike Boylan, you have a new advocate whether you like it or not!
I understand mental illness. I know that he is sick. I know that it is his illness, not him, who doesn’t want to live anymore. I also know that he is smart (we’ve been down this road before) and will say all the right things so that he can go home and do this again. Hell no. 1. There was a note. A note means you are now legally bound to this hospital. 2. I am not losing another family member. I am not losing the only person I have left that knows me and loves me unconditionally.
He hallucinated for three days. He could not speak for himself. He couldn’t stop shaking. He couldn’t use the bathroom. He couldn’t feed himself. He couldn’t walk. He felt that his life was over. He felt that there was nothing left to live for. For three days I stood next to him and argued those lies. Sometimes I was mean, sometimes I was compassionate. Mostly I just waited for the professionals so that I could plead his case in order to get him into a program that would ultimately save his life.
I truly can tell you I was not mad at him. Hurt? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. But, I knew that what he was going through was beyond me and that he needed help. REAL help. Not a once a month checkup with a Therapist, not a three day impatient stay. He needed an intensive program and I am not leaving until that happens.
Fast forward one year and Mike Boylan is alive and well. He is THRIVING! Mike Boylan is thriving! He has a good job, a family who loves him and support from friends and family. He sees a therapist regularly, he takes his medication and he openly talks about his struggles in hopes that his story helps someone else.
He hated every. single. moment. in that Psych ward and I did not care. He was doing something hard that would ultimately be the best thing for his future. Eventually, he began to see that too and started willingly putting in the effort. He started to experience true healing. Life giving healing.
Sometimes you have to do the hard thing to get to the good things. Trust me, it is worth it. I can see it in my Dad- it was worth it.
I am so proud of how far my Dad has come since that day. What a difference a year can make.
(Some of you may, or may not, know that my Dad and I did not have a great relationship growing up. There was a lot of bitterness, hurt and resentment that plagued me into my late teen and early adult years. Once I became a Christian I was able to truly forgive my Father, but there were still scars that lingered and feelings of hurt that arose from time to time. Not only has Dad experienced personal healing, but there has been much healing in our relationship.)
I knew the signs and I started to notice Dad slipping into old familiar patterns of depression and anxiety. I told him, a few times, that I was concerned and that he should make an appointment with his Doctor. Eventually he agreed but it was almost too late. By the time he had made his appointment he was already so deep in his thoughts and feelings that medicine wasn’t going to be able to pull him out quick enough.
I don’t see him that often so I was unaware of the toll his life circumstances were having on him. For two months he sat and thought over how he could take himself from this world. TWO MONTHS! For two months he thought that dying was a better option than living. This is not okay! Dying is not a better option than living.
If you have these thoughts, its not alright! You need to get help. You can have a life worth living. You too can be happy and thrive. There is a better way out of the depression you are feeling. You’re not weak. You’re not an inconvenience. You are worth it. Reach out to someone and get the help you need. It may be hard at first, but it is oh so WORTH IT!
_______________
Dad, I know you are reading this and I just want you to know that I am proud of you and I am so happy to see how far you have come since this time last year. I know it is hard to look back and see where you were- but let it be a reminder of how far you have come. You are not that person any more. You are strong. You are resilient. You are a walking example of Gods love and mercy. Keep doing the hard things. We love you and are always here for you.
Before I had experienced any significant losses of my own, I thought I did a pretty good job of supporting others with my words of encouragement.
When I was on the other side of loss, I realized how unhelpful, and sometimes unintentionally hurtful, some “supportive” comments can be.
For those of you that I have tried to encourage with my un-empathetic comments, I truly apologize. I hope you know my intentions were in love, even if it didn’t feel that way.
I was in a training last week where we discussed Sympathy vs Empathy and it was SO helpful. I want to love others and appropriately care for them in their times of trial. I want to come along side you and truly care for you, instead of negatively contributing to your experience.
Watch this video- its both comical and helpful.
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes I like a little “silver lining”, and a different perspective can be very helpful in some situations.
I think for myself in general- if I have never been in someone else’s shoes who may be experiencing more of a “serious situation”, or if I am not particularly close to someone that I want to send encouragement to, its probably best for me to stick with empathy.
And just to reiterate- many, many, many of you have loved me so well through the last couple of years. I can not thank you enough for your examples in empathy, love and care.
=)
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15
While 2019 certainly had its challenges, it would be unfair to not recognize all of the blessings and good things that came out of 2019. You see, even in the darkness, there have been gimmers of light.
-First, all of the amazing people who supported us while walking through my Mom’s surgeries, Cancer diagnosis and Hospice stay. It was a heavy, heavy load, but SO MANY people surrounded us and helped out where they could. Meals, childcare, cards, texts, sitting at the hospital with my Mother to relieve me or one of my siblings. Advice, company, prayers, phone calls, support…
Literally every single person who was aware of our situation did what they could to help us. I could not have, we could not have, done this on our own. I am extremely grateful for any part you have played in caring for my family during this time.
Thankful for the support of friends and family in 2019. You have been the good.
-Moments of clarity with my Mother during the last few weeks with her. God answered so many prayers in this area. I will share more later when I share her story in more detail.
-Prozac. Not for me but for Abram. Life changing. This I hesitate to share but many of you have been following us on our “Raising Abram” journey and know some of what we have gone through with him. I haven’t shared any of our recent experiences or struggles because things had gotten so bad that I just couldn’t. So many emotions. I will share the details about this decision with you in the future but know that it was one of the MOST difficult decisions we have had to make as a family. I don’t regret it one bit! Hallelujah- thank you Jesus! <praise hands>
-Nashville! I got to travel to Nashville with a few of my good friends. It was a WONDERFUL trip. It was the perfect respite after a difficult few months. There was laughing, shopping, adventure, dancing, sleeping, great company… just wonderful.
-New House! We know 100% that God brought us to this house. Also a cool story. If you aren’t a Christian but you believe in “signs”, you will also think it is a cool story. Maybe I’ll tell this one another time.
Though parts of moving have been hard, it has also been a huge blessing! Did you know we moved mainly because we needed a place that was more comfortable for my Mom? “Ironic”, right? (=oP ) We were hoping to move when Lucy graduated 5th grade but because my Mom moved in with us we decided to move sooner.
Getting to pick out our own things for our remodel has been cool because we get to make it how we want it, even though the amount of decision making is stressful. We have fruit tress, all of my favorite plants (that were already existing), wildlife, extra snow, new spaces to decorate and a riding lawn mower which is my most favorite thing ever. Please drive by and make fun of me while I am mowing the lawn- it will be easy to do because I always get stuck in a divot or stuck in a bush. Ha
-Two of my very best friends got married! To each other! ❤
-New School= more friends! It has been awesome seeing God answer all of their anxious prayers about their new school. What a blessing it has been to see them transition and flourish.
-Neighbors! Because we aren’t technically in a neighborhood, I was sad about the potentially not having kids in the neighborhood for our children to play with. Well, it took 6 months to discover that there are two girls that live two houses down! I don’t know how we kept missing each other but they are great and so are their parents! I am so happy about this!!
– And again, curtains!
**Thankful for Gods provision, grace, answered prayers, blessings and sustaining power through dark times this year. **
________
I have not been promised a life without trials.
James 1:2-4: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
The Bible says WHEN, not IF! We can guarantee that we will see trials in life. Sucks, right?! (I haven’t gotten to the “count it all joy” part yet. Please raise your hand if you have. I would love to have a chat.) ANYWAY… the good news is, WHEN we face trials, we have a God who is with us through it. Either through His power, or using others as his hands and feet.
He for sure has been with me.
Isaiah 43:2: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
Hebrews 10:23: Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
That is because 2017-2019, my life turned upside down. I have been in a negative frame of mind and I didn’t want to take everyone down with me. I have always enjoyed sharing my life; my experiences, my failures and embarrassing moments… I have even enjoyed sharing my losses with you. However, I have been in a bubble of grief and what my Doctor calls “Let-Down”. So. I didn’t want to go there. I couldn’t go there.
I am here now. And all of have to say is- WTF!!!
LOL
Here is a brief summary for you…
2017- Still Birth
2018- Sick Mother moves in
2018- Puts house on the market
——– 2019
-Son has debilitating Anxiety that continues to worsen (Pro- we have an official diagnosis!)
-Moves in with In-laws (with sick Mother)
-Mother has surgery and goes to Rehab Center, never comes back home
-Decided to buy “Fixer-Upper”
-Mother dies
-After someone dies stuff
-Son stuff
-Remodeling a house stuff
-Still living with In-laws (we love them, so grateful, hard to not have your own space for so long)
-Moves mid-summer
-20 minutes from gym= no regular physical activity= ###
-Kids start at new school (pro and con)
-Prozac
-Mental Health
-Church Stuff
-Does my Husband really know me? (see Mental Health)
-Cheerleading
-Still can’t get pregnant. Foster? Adopt? Praying for contentment!
-Home coming together, yet still lots of work to be done (lots of boxes and lots of dust)
-German visitor for a month! <<hearts>>
-Christmas
-Who am I and what am I doing with my life?
-We got curtainsssss!
2020 Focus- Healing my body and my mind!
Some of these things I am going to come back and write about. I am excited to write about them. Writing again is part of my healing.
But for now, I have to go clean my house and fold laundry since my kids are back in school.
Until I return, I will leave you with this photo of my heart.
janetsplanetblog.com 