Since Easter is coming up, I like to reflect on why Easter is so important to me, and not just another “Hallmark Holiday”. As I ponder the greatness of God and the reason for this day, I thought I would share with you my story and how I came to know Jesus and why feel this way (haha, did not mean to rhyme).
Growing up, I went through a lot; I struggled with a lot of different problems and experienced things children my age should not be exposed to. When something bad happened to me I would pray and cry out to God for help and when I didn’t get the help I asked for I blamed Him since I was told that God was in control of everything. If God controls everything, why was He making my life so horrible? It because of those times that I gave up on God and turned away from any kind of belief in Him I.
Religion wasn’t important in my family. My Dad was an Atheist and my Mom is Methodist (whatever that is). As I got older my friends would talk about what religion they were, I always said I was Methodist because my mom was and if I said I didn’t believe in God like my Dad that would have been unacceptable and I had to be cool. I went to a Methodist church with my Mom for about a month when I was in eighth grade because I thought it would be a good thing for me, it would help me to become a better person and I had nothing else to do. It was the most boring thing I had ever encountered. I sat next to my Mom in the back row on hard wooden benches staring at the ceiling tiles. I counted every one; I believe there were about 52 or so. I even tried to make pictures out of them, eventually I stopped going.
My Friend who lived down the street from me went to church every week and I hated it because I didn’t have anyone to hang out with for three hours. I did go to church with her occasionally, on Easter and other important Holidays. I remember walking in and being totally freaked out. It was the weirdest thing. People had their hands in the air like they were waiting for something to fall down on them and crying for no reason, it was so strange. But the weirdest thing was Every time I went I got the worst headaches. Right in the back of my head… I still don’t really know what it was but I swore at the time that it was God punishing me for not going to church and being bad. I thought it was His spirit getting into my brain and ripping out all the bad thoughts in my head. So I stopped going to church with her too. I was going to church for all the wrong reasons, I just thought it would make me a better person.
After that, I still had questions, I was still confused and didn’t really understand what all the “woohoo” about believing in God was. My Dad would talk to me about all of his philosophies about why the whole religion thing in general is stupid and said a lot of things about God and the Bible that at the time made a lot of sense. I mean, it was more believable than anything I’ve heard before. I think it was easier than taking the initiative to learn the truth or get my questions answered. But still it didn’t really feel that important to me. I was just out of High School going into college and having fun and that’s all that was important.
Ah, High School. I was a slave to the world. Drinking, drugs, sex, lieing, stealing, gossip and slander and the list goes on. On the outside you may have thought that I was a pretty nice person, maybe even kind of cool. I wasn’t. I was fishing around everywhere to fill myself up with terrible things that would only temporarily fill the void in my heart and in my soul. Sure, doing those things were fun at the time but they never really lasted. Eventually, I wasn’t high anymore, I wasn’t drunk anymore and there it was… life. Just another day in the terrible world I was living in.
Then, I started attending a class at my boyfriend’s (now Husband’s) Church called Alpha, pretty much only because Ryan’s family wanted us to come and I, being the people pleaser that I was, had to score the extra points with his family. After all, I wanted to marry this boy. I went with an open mind but I wasn’t expecting anything. At first, it was just like a class, again it just felt like it was the right thing to do and hopefully I would become a better person, but unlike before, I was finally able to ask all of the questions I had been thinking and got answers, answers that also made sense. I was probably more confused than ever before honestly because now I was struggling with which truth do I believe? My Dads comments that made a lot of sense or the new answers about God, Jesus and the Bible that also made a lot of sense.
It wasn’t until a retreat with the Alpha class that everything really became clear to me. It really was an un forgettable experience. It gave me an opportunity to talk to a lot of different people about things, about my life and heard stories and accounts from people that were really amazing to me, true acts of God. At the retreat I gave a testimony, similar to the one I’m giving now, but I believe while I was speaking to everyone and emptying out my head of everything I wanted to say, I felt an overwhelming sensation that picked me up five feet in the air (didn’t actually happen, but that’s what It felt like). I had been praying during ministry time for God to show himself to me, that if this was what He wanted, for me to live for Him and if He could change my life, than I would accept Him into my life. Now, I told my group leaders to help me pray for guidance, but it wasn’t what I really wanted, I didn’t know what to ask for and I didn’t want them to know that I actually might believe all of this crazy stuff, so I just thought of something. I didn’t here from God when I asked for Him, but I wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t until I was sharing my story with everyone at the retreat, that everything became clear to me and God showed himself. I didn’t know what to do or say about what was happening to me so I just sat down afterwards and kept quiet.
From that minute on I felt like a completely different person. I didn’t know why but I knew my life was going to change. I felt invincible, I felt happy, warm, and fulfilled. I have never honestly felt happy like that ever before. I have been happy, but never truly happy. I didn’t want to do any of the things that I used to do, but I was so scared that my friends wouldn’t except me and the new life that God has planned for me, I didn’t want them to think I was weird like I used to think about my neighbors, and even though I wasn’t going to be doing the same things I used to do, I was still the same person.
Because of Alpha, I learned what it really meant to be a Christian (Repent of your sins and ask for forgivenes. Belief that God Created all things, Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth and lived a perfect sinless life, died on the Cross for my sins, was buried and raised again on the third day when he ascended into Heaven), why I should pray, I learned that if God doesn’t answer your prayers He has a good reason, and I have a better relationship with my family, my friends, and most importantly, God.
As of now, I am still struggling with this life change- even after almost 7 years of being a Christian, trusting that Gods plan for me is the ultimate plan, not mine! It’s difficult when you’ve done the same things all of your life. I go to church every week and I pray everyday, not because I have to but because I want to. I Lanctot go to Church to worship God because of the new life he has given me through His son and I want to read to learn more about Him and learn how to live a life that is pleasing to Him.
This is only a little tiny glimpse into some of the things that God has done to change my life. So, on this Easter, as I am sitting in Church worshiping the Creator of the Universe, I will be reflecting on how, because of this day in History, I have new life and a personal relationship with my Savior. Thank you Lord for all that you have done for me, my friends, my family and thank you for this wonderful undeserving life.
“Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 43
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