if i died tomorrow…

 If I died tomorrow I would have a very long list of “things I want to do before I die”.

I  have a completely irrational fear of death. I guess it isn’t really irrational because it really could happen at any second, but I actually think I am going to die at any second. Is that weird? I have a huge fear of death. I know I should not be afraid because Heaven is a FAR GREATER place then earth, but obviously, I fear and am deeply saddened by the things I will miss out on if I die. Mostly milestones and events related to Lucy. I can’t imagine not being here for them. I know that if I am dead I will not know the difference, but I allow that thought to make me anxious far too often.

And a word to anyone that might like to take my place as Ryan’s wife after I die, I already promised him that I would haunt him and whoever he takes as his wife. Just so you know…

Now as many of you do probably have some mental note of things you would like to do or accomplish before your death… I have a nice list. And, for someone who is probably going to die soon (from natural causes I hope), I have not checked very many things off that list.

So, Lord, if you would like to keep me around a little longer so that I can accomplish at least half of these items, that would be great!

•  Go to Paris. I would be nice if I didn’t have to fly. I don’t like flying.
• Own my own restaurant or create the menu for an existing restaurant.
• See Lucy and any other children we have get married.
• Go to New York and be on the Today Show.
• See my sister graduate college, be successful and live on her own.
• Own a home on at least three acres of land with a big country porch, a mud room from a Pottery Barn catalog & a Theater Style basement.
• Teach High School History.
• Kiss Ryan Price before graduating High School.
• Get married.
• Have four children.
• Be an outcast on American Idol.
• Buy an outfit from White House Black Market and have somewhere to wear it.
• Learn how to sew.
• Go to Disney World.
• Do a standing back tuck without a spotter.  (I almost accomplished this at one time… I think that ship has sailed.)
•  Help my Mom start a Bakery.
• Take Ryan to Vegas and Sponsor him in a poker tournament.
• Dye my hair and then be able to dye it back to my natural color.
• Plan someones wedding.
• Help one person every single day.

 

On a side note. Though I do have a serious fear and concern that I am going to die before I “live”, I have already been blessed in my life. If I do not wake up tomorrow, I know that everyone I know and love will be taken care of. It does no good to worry about tomorrow. Live today as if it is your last.

Naturally I hope that I am missed but I hope that people would see my life as an example of God’s love and kindness. I hope that my life; my past, my present, my struggles and my blessings would be used to help others.

And, pease make sure Ryan doesn’t dress Lucy like a dweeb!