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dear journal, im in a bad mood and i need to vent.

What a nice reminder. Thanks Janet.

uuuuugh. i am in such a mean mood right now. i seriously just feel so irritated and angry with everything, even if there isn’t anything wrong. which there isn’t, but in my head i feel like everything is wrong. does that make sense? it does and it doesn’t.

what the heck.

let me try and talk to myself instead of listen to myself.

why are you thinking these things? stop being self-righteous and controlling.

you have a husband and family who loves you.

you have a nice home and vehicles and things, things.

why don’t you start praying? Lord knows you haven’t done that in a while. “…present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4: 6-7

why am i being so discontent? good grief.

stop focusing on what you aren’t and focus on…

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The Best Gift Ever

This year for Christmas, Ryan gave me a gym membership . Some of you may think that this is weird or insulting. It is in fact, quite the opposite! I am/was so excited.

I would just like to point out that a few of my other most favorite gifts in the past six years include a new vacuum and new cookie sheets so a gym membership would not be a strange gift for me to be excited about.

I have been asking Ryan for about two years now if I could join a local club. We have plenty of work-out videos, weights and a treadmill so obviously I don’t need to join a gym… right? Well, in my opinion, I am literally the least motivated person on the planet. There is pretty much nothing that will get me down in that basement to do a Jillian Michaels DVD everyday (even if it is only 20 minutes!). I think I made it three consecutive weeks- I know, I am impressed too!

And, I HATE working out. Who seriously likes to work out? Oh, You do? Freak. I work out so I can eat cake. If I were naturally in-shape looking and if I didn’t have two kids worth of jiggle I wouldn’t do it.

Why would I want a gym membership if I hate working out? Well, maybe I would like working out if I belonged to a gym. Maybe working out is good for you. There are other people besides two-year olds that belong to gyms, right? I could eat more cake.

OK- Back to the point.

When Ryan gifted me the membership, he gave me freedom to shop around at every local gym in the area. My only requirements (besides being affordable) were fitness classes and child care. Classes because like I had mentioned before, I am not motivated and going to a gym is just as motivating as working out in my basement. If I have a class to attend with other living people and sun light, I’m in! Just kidding. But really, having class options has really helped me. I have taken most of them by now and there is no way I would be working out as hard or as regular if I were trying to do it myself. Days that I go to the gym when they don’t offer classes, I am probably there for about 30 minutes at most because I get bored and I will not push myself. If I get a little sweaty, that is good enough for me. Having structure, a goal, accountability… motivates me.

Side note: I do not understand how some women can be walking on a treadmill for two hours. Sure, you brought five magazines to keep you occupied but really. Is that even working out? But seriously. Two hours? No thanks.

And Childcare. This was important to me because having childcare has allowed me more flexibility as to when I can go. My Husband does not work regular hours so if I always had to count on him or a babysitter to be home I would rarely be able to go. I have incorporated the gym into my weekly routine and the kids LOVE going with me. They love it. Being a Stay-at-home Mom is sometimes challenging for me because I am such a people person and being stuck in the house all day (especially in the winter) is very difficult. This is most true when my husband works out-of-state on large commercial jobs and isn’t home for days at a time. Or he just works 14 hour days and I run out of things to occupy my children. Sometimes Momma just needs a break and this has been a HUGE help during those times. It has seriously been a blessing to me and my soul. Fo real. God bless Child Care workers. They are great and I love them.

Okay. So as I continue writing this I just keep think that no one probably cares about why I go to the gym. I assume that all of this seems pointless and you probably really don’t care. So, I’ll cut this off and get to the purpose of my writing this here post…

(Run on sentences… and go…)

Today as I was laying on my back during a Yoga class I was reflecting on how wonderful I have been feeling and how I never really realized how much I actually wanted this and how having this membership is one of the best gifts that Ryan could have ever given me. It has improved my energy, my attitude, my confidence, my mental stability, my need for social interaction, my butt muscles and many other things. It has also provided opportunities for some social growth in my little ones that I didn’t realize they needed until I started to noticed the positive changes.

I am grateful to you Ryan for giving me something that has turned into so much more than just a gym membership.

I still don’t like working out though. ^_ô

[For the record, I do love the gym where I belong and I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a Health Club. I have been 100% satisfied with the staff, members, childcare and club itself since becoming a member. http://www.fitgymusa.com]

performer in the making

I realize that I have not posted many videos of my second child. I hear that is not abnormal for second born children to feel left out or insignificant due to the lack of film and developed pictures compared to the oldest child.

I don’t think you are any less cute nor do I love you any less. My reason is that you never repeat anything funny that you do or say. I am not usually near my phone when something “good” is happening and most of the other times you are screaming or throwing things. Who wants to record those memories? <wink>

I did manage to snap a brief clip of you today. Much like your sister, you are a little performer.

Here you are, lip synching. With a turkey baster your preferred singing tool.

Diaper Dreams

The Reality

Abram has a terrible diaper rash because he has had “The D” and it wont allow his bum to air out and heal. A friend of mine told me to let him run around without a diaper for a little while the next day.

I have been having very vivid dreams lately (no, I’m not pregnant) and I believe the circumstances above served as inspiration for my dream that night.

The Dream

At some point, I took off Abram’s diaper and let him run around the house. He was excited to be “free” and was running around everywhere. Well, I noticed that he was about to pee so I started chasing him around with his diaper. I finally caught up to him and right before I had a chance to wrap the diaper around his ** he pee’d up over the diaper and right onto my face, hair and neck. I was so mad. It was gross. I had just showered and straightened my hair!

“ABRAM! EWWWW!! AHH!”

Something startled me awake and I realized that… I was laying in a puddle of drool that was trickling down my neck from my cheek and my mouth.

So, I guess Abram didn’t actually pee all over me.

18 Months and All Boy!

My Baby boy is now officially a year and a half. What a snuggler!!! Great sleeper. Lots of energy. Strong willed. I love him.

Abram is pretty challenging because he is into everything… and I am not used to that. He is adventurous, daring and fearless. He is quick (super quick) and smart. How does one think to do such things? I need a nap.

He eats all day. All. Day. Long. He is constantly sneaking cereal and goldfish and drawing my attention to the snack cabinets. I do not understand. You just finished eating breakfast. Three eggs and toast and milk did not fill you up?

Abram is weighing in at 27 pounds, which is only in the 50%. There is only a three or four pound difference between he and Lucy. He is in the 95% for height (34ish inches I think?). His Doctor calls him “long and lean”.

Some of Abram’s favorite things include: eating, dancing, Lucy, playing with balls, eating, taking baths, balloons and wrestling.

Abram does not like being told to sit (or having to sit), reading books, cold lunch meat, having his diaper changed or getting dressed (basically anything that means he has to be still for a period of time).

Abram’s favorite songs are the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “If You’re Happy and You Know It”.

His favorite foods are goldfish, eggs and anything that I am eating.

Oh yeah, I wanted to include a few words he is saying just for my own records. Though not quite all clear, He is talking more and more. He practically tries to repeat everything I say which is pretty cute. Of course, he still prefers to call me Janet instead of Mom, though I have heard him say “Ma” recently. Daddy, Apple, Lucy, Pretzel, Cup, Up, Down, Cheese, Cereal, Pop (for lolly-pop) and Eat are some of his frequently used vocabulary words. Say it with me: “I love Mom, she is my favorite!”.

When I was pregnant with Abram I used to pray very specific things for him (he and Lucy both). It is exciting for me to see him growing in the very areas that I specifically prayed. For example- I prayed that he would be gifted athletically and I have seen natural ability, talent and interest in all kinds of sporty activities (just ask Ryan, he is very proud!). I prayed that he would have a passion or gifting in music (preferably with an instrument). He definitely enjoys music whether it be dancing, singing or playing on our drums. Lastly, as his name means “Leader of Nations”, I prayed that he would be a leader. A Humble leader, one who leads by example and stands firm to his convictions (spiritually and relationally). Unfortunately, the only leadership qualities I have noticed in him is that he does whatever the heck he wants! Ha-Ha. That’s not true. He likes to lead prayers at the dinner table. ;0)

18 Months of smiles and gray hairs. I wouldn’t change a minute of it!

(Well, maybe you could just calm down a notch on the aggression!)

Love ya!

My Big Little 4 Year Old

“Her smile beams like sunshine, which fills our hearts with love.” – Unknown

Future memoir of a 4-year-old, as told by Lucy…

What is your Favorite color? “All of the colors”

What is your favorite food? “Spaghetti”

What food do you not like? “Purple Lettuce”

What is your favorite movie? “Herkaleez (Hercules)”

Who is your best friend? “Evie, Vincent, Eli, Hannah, Brooklyn, Mosley, Abram, Cousins…

What is your favorite book? “I Am Sam”

What do you like to learn in school? “Nothing, we just don’t learn nothing in school.” [clearly]

Is there something that you are afraid of? “Monsters”

What do you want to be when you grow up? “A real Teacher and Fashion Girl”

What is your favorite thing about Daddy? “He gives me a hug and kiss.”

What is your favorite thing about Mommy? “You say “good morning” to me when you wake up.”

What is your favorite thing about Abram? “That he goes to bed and we can watch movies when he goes to bed.”

What is one thing you hope to do as a 4-year-old?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lucy, your Daddy and I love you very much. Words can not express the joy you bring to our lives. Over the past four years I have not only seen you grow physically, but have witnessed your personality grow and mature as well. Though you are still little in size, you have a very big heart. You love people and love to make people laugh. You have tons of energy and hate to sleep. You like to “make-believe” and play Barbie’s. You love to color and make “kwafts”. You are a great helper in the kitchen and you are so good with your little Brother. I know he gets on your nerves a lot but you are so patient and kind to him (most of the time). I think it is so funny when you use big words because you are very dramatic and it really suits you. You love to sing and dance and I see a lot of passion in you in both areas. I am excited to see you put these gifts to use in the future (still praying that a good voice also comes with that passion). You are quick to forgive and quick to ask for forgiveness. You are thoughtful. You are inquisitive and eager. You are a great manipulator. You are beautiful and we love every bit of you. Even your crazy outfits and your obsession with shoes. Love you little girl, keep smiling!

-Mom & Dad

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Jehovah Jireh

Remember when I mentioned that one of the things I would like to “focus” on this year is contentment? Well, thankfulness and gratefulness come hand in hand with contentment. If I am being discontent, I am also being ungrateful and not thankful for what I have. It is a very sobering thought to label myself as “ungrateful”. But, Of course, that is what I am each and every time I am being discontent in something.

So, the point.

Lets just say that the first three days of the New Year have been nothing short of… well… difficult? Challenging? I wouldn’t say I have been anxious through these situations because I truly believe that God will provide for me/us… like he does each and every day through every circumstance. BUT, I can’t help but chuckle and think: “Lord, what are you doing here?!”.

We spent the night in the ER on NYE. We are uninsured.

New Years Day, We had to have Ryan’s work truck towed to the shop because it will not start. Again.

Today, All of siding is falling off of our house because of the snow and the wind.

Thankful? I should be thankful for these things?

I am not sure how we are going to cover all of these expenses. I don’t know how I can deal with my pride and “fear of man” (a churchy phrase for “what people think of me”) when our house looks crappy because of the missing siding. I don’t know what I will do if something else happens. Please Lord, nothing else!

BUT-

I am thankful. I am thankful that you are my provider. I am not happy that these things are happening, but I am thankful, grateful, that you are taking care of them. Taking care of us. You will take care of these things as you have taken care of everything else.

“…for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:8

“Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me…” Psalm 28 7

I am not telling everyone this for pity or charity. I know that some of you may be experiencing similar situations and maybe, the faith that God has given me in Him, the comfort and the peace, the truth, may also serve you. Help you when you feel overwhelmed and anxious with expenses or burdens.

Take a moment to listen and meditate on the song below. It is very beautiful. It will serve your soul.

One Word (or two) 2014

New Years Resolution? Nah. No thanks.

But, what about a New Year focus?

I came across something quite interesting recently that has given me a different perspective.

I subscribe to a blog called Praise and Coffee, I received an email yesterday entitled “One Word- 2014” (click here to read the whole article). Basically you choose “one word” to focus on this year. Instead of trying to change, or add or do… you pick a focus. I like that. Something positive to focus on, instead of guilt and disappointment when a resolution has not been made or fulfilled.

This year, as I have been pondering which word God wants me to focus on (He knows me better and knows which areas I am lacking focus better than I do). I have been hearing and seeing the word “faithful” a lot. Now, honestly, I have no idea what this means. I do know that it has been showing up in my life for a reason. I don’t know exactly which area or facet of “faithful” I am to focus on but I am going to keep it and pray about what this means or looks like in my life.

“A faithful person will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished.” Proverb 28:20

Two words?

There is something else that I would really like to try to focus on because I have noticed that I have been really struggling with it lately (or, my whole life?). This year, I am really really going to focus on growing in “contentment“. It is simple…

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.” Hebrews 13:5

Ugh. Why is this so hard?! But, hopefully, as I dig into what it means and looks like to be content, God will help me to put on an attitude of contentment and in 2014, I can reflect back at the year and see all of the ways in which I have grown in this area. That, will be awesome. *Yes, I love run on sentences!*

So, What is one word that you are going to focus on this year??

A Mommy Predicament

Though it is sometimes challenging for me, I allow Lucy to pick out her own clothes. She used to let me help pick out her clothes on Sundays and on special occasions but less and less she lets me contribute.

I usually don’t mind because I know it is a good thing. This is one way she can fully express herself and embrace her independence and personality. She is so girly. I don’t know where she gets it. She has a corky sense of style and a love of color. She accessorizes from head to toe. She would wear lipstick everyday if I would let her. She calls herself “The Fashion Girl” because she loves clothes (her words, not mine).

Quick story. Recently a friend of mine gave us a bag of clothes. Lucy kept asking me to look through them so I let her open the bag. She pulled out the clothing and thoroughly inspected each piece. When she got to a particular dress she really liked she gasped: “Mommy! Look at this dress! <gasps> I love it! <hugs dress> Mom, I have happy tears!”.

What?!

SO back to this dilemma. I am unsure if I should start teaching Lucy how to put outfits together. How to match colors and what to wear with what. I don’t mean tell her that what she is wearing looks bad, but just explain basic fashion principles. I think it would be sad to see the crazy outfits go, but on the other hand, sometimes I just can’t let her wear the things she wants to wear out of the house. Most of the time I do even though the desire to make her change is very strong.

At this point I am prepared to continue to let her do her thing, because that is what she does best. She actually really does do a good job a lot of the time !And, she knows that sometimes she has to wear what Mommy asks her to wear (even if it does lead to tears). I do think it is cute. And she does accept my advice sometimes when it comes to appropriate attire according to the weather.

I guess the predicament is really just me wanting to see her choose something normal to wear on her own, or at least let me pick them out for her sometimes.

I love my girl.

Mint Chocolate Chip Cake

Ryan loves mint chocolate chip ice cream. So, when I saw a picture of this cake on Pinterest, I knew I had to make it for him. Of course, when his Birthday came around I couldn’t find this cake on Pinterest anymore so I just googled “Mint Chocolate Chip Cake” and sorted through a few recipes until I found one that looked appetizing and most importantly, easy!

This recipe is mostly slightly adapted from Meg’s Everyday Indulgence.

I have to admit, I did use a box mix for the cake. I know. But, I always trust Duncan Hines Cake Mixes because it has the best texture and the best flavor. Also, I am not so good at baking. I did not want to ruin this cake by over cooking, undercooking, forgetting, adding too much… you get the picture. This was the safest way to ensure a delicious tasting cake (not too safe, I have messed up box mixes a few times). So, I’m sorry but, I did. And, it was amazing.

MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP CAKE

2- 10×2 Round Cake Pans (If you do not own this size pan, buy one (or two)! It makes every cake look amazing. )

*If using 8-9in pans, follow recipe on link above.

Cake:

2 Boxes of Duncan Hines Classic Devil Food Cake

6 Eggs

2 C Water

2/3 C Oil

PREHEAT oven to 350°F . GREASE sides and bottom of each pan with shortening or oil spray. FLOUR lightly.
BLEND cake mix, water, oil and eggs in a large bowl at low speed until moistened (about 30 seconds). BEAT at medium speed for 2 minutes. POUR batter in pans and bake immediately.
BAKE about 40 minute. Cake is done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. COOL in pan for about 10 minutes. Dump cake onto wire rack to complete cooling process.

Frosting:

1 ½ C salted butter, slightly softened

1 ½ lb of powdered sugar

2 tbsp of peppermints extract (add by the ½ tsp to achieve desired taste if necessary)

¾ C milk

1 11.5 oz bag of semi-sweet chocolate morsels

½ tsp green food coloring (adjust coloring by the drop if necessary)

In mixer, beat butter, powdered sugar and ½ C of milk for 3-5 minutes, until smooth and creamy (only add remaining ½ C milk if texture seems too thick). Add peppermint extract and food coloring, mix until fully blended. Fold in chocolate chips.
Frost cooled cake. Place icing in between cakes then frost the top and sides. See picture below.

Ganache:

3/4 cup heavy cream 1 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate morsels 1/2 tsp peppermint extract

Heat 3/4 cup heavy cream in saucepan. Bring just to a boil and remove from heat. Place chocolate chips in a bowl with extract and then slowly add in hot cream. Stir until smooth and completely combined (you’ll want to use a wisk). Pour ganache over frosted cake and allow ganache to drip down the sides naturally (I used a spoon to help spread across the top).

EAT AND ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know you will.

Make sure you have milk.